OCD

So I've decided my kids are kind of ocd. Caroline has always been that way, been fussy about knowing exactly how she wants things, being  very organized, very nervous of change, and noticing and getting upset if we do things differently. In a lot of ways you could say she is a mini me, except that she is very extroverted. 

I had thought for awhile that Luke was going to be more laid back, but as it turns out, not so much. For instance when we go to nurse before bed, we have to turn the fan on, one curtain has to be open, the other closed, the door has to be closed. We have to sit in the same spot. If anything is out of place he won't relax and eat. It's part annoying and part funny. 

Luke has very definite ideas of how he wants things and we're discovering as he talks more that a lot of his screaming and frustration has been over not being able to communicate what he wants. For instance he is often a pain,  being unwilling to answer his questions at family worship. Last night we finally figured out he was wanting his to be asked out of a book just like Hunter and Caroline's. So John "read" his questions, and he was happy as could be.
John assures me that Hunter never had these qualities as a little kid so I guess we get to blame it all on me!

Fourth anniversary pictures

You have to watch your wedding video on your anniversary. Maybe we'll get out dvd by our 5th anniversary, for now it's the low quality free vimeo version. Luke, "It's Daddy!"

I did my toes with some leftover wedding nail polish.

Some men buy flowers for their wives.....some get cheese :-)

Still holding hands.

Yummy date night at Chef Chu's.

The best selfie we managed to get!

Parenting choices

This article, on this blog. It says EXACTLY how I feel about parenting. I get so tired of people who try to make other parents feel bad for their choices. 

"I sat in the Bible study, and my heart sank.

The conversation was once again drifting towards sleep training. Every momma in the room had an opinion. And all of those opinions were the exact opposite of what every single night looked like with my baby.

There was a strong belief among these women, and in our church culture, that sleep training was part of “Christian Parenting”. That the verse “Spare the rod, spoil the child” was the Biblical case for leaving your four month old to cry it out.

I didn’t know my son had autism at the time. No one did.

But crying it out, was something he did all the time, not just at night. And the “out part” never came. He just cried and cried and cried and cried – miserable in his own skin, and overwhelmed with a sensory system that just didn’t synch with the rest of the world.

I explained with much trepidation in the Bible study, how tough this was for him. The women tried to be kind and helpful, but the message was clear.

If you really loved Jesus, you would stop idolizing your child and sleep train.

Years later, I moved to a completely different, much more liberal city. At my new church, there were new moms to get to know. As I did, I realized there was a opposite kind of ‘Christian Parenting’ being practiced here.

These mommas co-slept and practiced extended breastfeeding. They talked a lot about organic food and natural medicine.

One day, I handed my son a plastic water bottle at the park. All the women were sitting in a circle, talking about Jesus and parenting. I noticed several women’s faces change to disapproval, and one actually said, “If you really want to love your child, why would you give him plastic to drink from?”

“Because he is thirsty and it’s hot,” I thought.

“Plastic is toxic. It’s bad for the planet and for our children. Being a good steward means taking better care of both,” she said, sure she was educating me and helping me.

I felt the exact same way I did in the Bible study. Ashamed and feeling like I would never get this Christian thing right. Only this time, the ‘Christian Parenting’ model was the exact opposite.

If I really loved Jesus, I would follow more natural parenting practices.

As a new Christian, I was so eager to learn all the things I needed to do, to be part of this new life. As a new Christian, I was on fire for Jesus, but was surprised to learn that we rarely really talked about him.

We talked a lot about the Bible to be sure. But didn’t actually read it. We just took pieces of it, and used those pieces to defend the parenting choices, the lifestyle choices, and the marriage choices we were making.

More than that, we used those pieces of the Bible to exclude the ones who didn’t fit and define the ones who did.

Over the course of ten years, I heard every single one of the following statements, either spoken to me or to someone else in the church.

“God does not want you to let your children watch Spongebob.” – I can’t even.

“Attachment parenting is not biblical.” – I guess that’s kinda true because God never even makes it a point to discuss different parenting styles directly in the Bible.

“You are idolizing your child when you spend so much time focused on his needs. He needs more discipline. Then he won’t act that way.” – Please, please, please be careful when you try and insinuate that a mother’s God given love for her child is in opposition to her love for Jesus. P.S. You have no idea what is going on with that child at home.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child. It says it in the Bible. You need to spank him.” – This verse is used as some sort of mantra over and over again. I have heard it hundreds of times in Christian circles – likely more than any other verse in the entire Bible. How sad is that?

“Your child is a sinner. The Bible says you need to train the sin right out of him.” – We are all sinners. That’s why we need Jesus. I am not sure how we train the sin out of ourselves, much less our children.

I am exhausted just typing all of this.

Please hear my heart – I do not think anyone I am referencing said any of these things to be cruel. I honestly think they are just trying to figure this parenthood thing out like the rest of us.

But when we associate being Christ-like with all of our rules and requirements, we lose sight of all the good news that Jesus actually brings.

What if a new mom is checking out your church, or your mommy group, or your Bible study and she fed her kid McDonald’s on the way there? Do you really want to communicate to her that Jesus is all about condemning that food choice?

Or what if the new mom is checking out your church, or your mommy group, or your Bible study and has quite comfortably been co-sleeping with her toddler. Do you really want to focus more on sleep training than on welcoming her and showing her Christ’s love?

Moreover, do we want to give our kids this message? That God is about the rules of the all the things you can and cannot do.

What if being a parent has more to do with us and our relationship with God, than somehow applying a Christian formula to our children and having them turn out evangelical?

The more I get to know the Bible and Jesus, the more I feel like God is just bigger than all of this. My mind is so small compared to His omnipotence.

There is no way I can possibly figure out the formula for parenting – I don’t think anyone can and more importantly, I don’t think they should.

This is not a math equation, this is a relationship.

Our children are not projects. They are people, created in the image and likeness of God.

Every single child has been born to the parents God ordained. My children have special needs, yours may not. Do we really think there is a Biblical expectation that we parent them all the same?

Jesus meets every single person in His lifetime on earth, exactly where they are. He loves them, exactly as they are. He helps them, exactly as they are. He inspires them, teaches them, and serves them, exactly as they are.

I want more of that model in my parenting –

Loving my boys when they feel like they have failed.

Teaching them through powerful stories.

Redirecting them as needed, and reminding them of their continual need for Jesus.

Forgiving them over and over and over again.

Sharing all the wonderful things that Jesus did on earth and that He is doing in our lives.

Washing my boys feet when they feel the most unworthy.

This is the ‘Christian parenting’ I want to practice.

This is the ‘Christian parenting” I want to talk about.

This is the ‘Christian parenting’ I think we all need."

Caroline said

Me, "Caroline, what would you like for breakfast this morning?"
Caroline thinks a minute, "I know! A cup of coffee!"
Me, "Absolutely not."
Caroline, "Well.......I know, how about a beer?"
Me, "What?!!! Absolutely not!"
We settled on a bowl of cereal, and for the record none of us consume alcoholic beverages for breakfast! Especially not the children, lol.
Life is never boring around here.


Me, "Caroline, I just ordered Dukie's birthday present and you all are really going to like it!"
(side note, I feel very organized having his present already, but I found a great sale on amazon and took advantage of it.)
Caroline, "Can I play with it too?"
Me, "Yes, of course. You all will share."
Caroline, "I like sharing. Can I have the first turn?"
Me, just shakes my head......

"Whatever you say, deard."
Haha, John and I say this jokingly to each other pretty often and Caroline thinks it is hilarious to say it too. For some reason she adds the D on which makes it even funnier.

While playing outside in the pool, "Mama, can we turn the air on out here? I like to be colder."

19 months old

Luke and his "baaki."

!9 months old.

I really don't have much to update on Luke this month. We're on the same schedule as past months except that he has given up the morning nap. For my sanity, and because he doesn't seem to mind he has a quiet independent play time in his crib every morning for about 45 minutes. We still nurse twice a day. Luke is talking more and more, and is a busy little guy! One thing he says all the time is, "mon, mon." His version of come on when he wants you to follow him.

Father's Day

We are a pretty low key family when it comes to holidays. I'm not the super creative, crafty, pinterest mom which is fine since I'd rather simplicity than stress! Anyways when I asked John what he wanted to do for Father's day he said he wanted to smoke some big piece of meat for dinner. So on Saturday John smoked a pork roast, and I made potato salad, and cole slaw (since we joke that John proposed to me because of my salads it seemed appropriate, lol). Then after our yummy dinner on Saturday Grandma took us and Grandpa to Dairy Queen for ice cream. It was a nice day :-)

I tried to get some pictures of John and the kids before church. Hunter wasn't with us this weekend.

Ice cream! Caroline had a "banilla" cone.

Laughter

Evening fun

This is the kids' new favorite thing to do in the evening, ride bikes, and pull the wagon out in the road in front of the house. Our road is very quiet so it is safe to do when Mom and Dad can supervise.

Yes, this

From Kindred Grace blog. Because more people need to realize this. Love is not always going to be a feeling, it is a decision.

A date

Me all excited about a morning out with my husband!

Heading out on a grocery shopping and rummage saling "date" while Grandma watched the kids. We don't get out, just the two of us, very often, but it is so nice when we do!

Park pictures

A few days ago I packed a picnic dinner and we had a fun evening at the park. The kids had a wonderful time! I got more pics of Caroline simply because John and I did "the divide and conquer" thing, lol, and I was playing with Caroline :-).
Side note, our evening gave me another reason to appreciate Daniel Tiger. I saw one Dad spend about 10 minutes trying to reason with his toddler that they had to go.....But when it was about time for us to leave we simply told Caroline, "It's almost time to go so choose one more thing to do!" Just like the Daniel episode. She chose another trip down the slide and was fine with it :-)

Memories and pictures

A few weeks ago at dinner John and Hunter were having a conversation about some survival video that listed that like 5 things that you needed to survive on a desert island. If I remember right they all started with C, there was container to hold water, cord, cutting implement, and I don't remember the rest. They were a little disturbed when I added camera to the list :-).

In all seriousness, I don't need a camera in that I would die without it, but I would really, really miss it! I got my first camera way back in '96 from Grammy and Granddad. It was the kind you had to put flash in, and pay to develop all the pictures whether they were junk or not. Then in '09  I bought myself a digital camera that I had a lot of fun with. Then after we got engaged John gave me a smart phone and I've been taking and posting pictures just about every day.

I'm just someone who really enjoys preserving memories. When I was a lot younger I sometimes kept a diary (which has since been destroyed since I wanted it kept private), then in my 20s I was very into scrapbooking.. My 30s has been blogging and facebook, and instagram. I like to think that someday my kids will enjoy reading this blog :-)

Also personally I find it helpful in my Christian walk to remember things....

"It is very good for us to remember all the ways both of God's providence and grace, by which he has led us hitherto through this wilderness, that we may be prevailed with cheerfully to serve him and trust in him. Here let us set up our Ebenezer." ~MH

Caroline said

"Waiting can be tough.
Waiting is hard."

While waiting for the meat Daddy was grilling to be done. For the record, we did not eat dinner late, lol.

While taking a walk one evening.

Caroline pointed at the woods, "Is that the jungle?"
Pointing at another walker with a dog, "That dog has a beautiful tail!

I was putting away clothes in the bedroom and I hear Caroline, "Mama, Mama, Mama!!!"
That happens approximately 10,000 times a day so I finished what I was doing and said, "What, Caroline?"
"Oh there you are Mama, I thought you were dead."

I should mention that she was quite calm about the possibility of me being dead, lol.

Church with kids.....

This is so funny...and has a good reminder at the end

What It's Like Bringing Kids To Church

Do any of you remember going to church as a Non-Mom? I do. Since I am a huge nerd, going to church as a Single Woman was actually one of the big highlights in my former life. I looked incredibly put-together and well-rested. As I should,…

SMARTTEREACHDAY.COM

Adri shared this on family talk this morning and it got a lot of fun comments and laughs, but in some ways it is so very true. I'm a bit more organized in that I have the diaper bag packed and clothes laid out on Saturday night, and we are never late for church (because being late majorly stresses me out), and our kids aren't eating in church (except for a nursing baby), but yes, pretty accurate.
Oh my, church with the two littles was plain old hard. Then add in that we were just watching a live stream, no live church, I didn't have fellowship at church, and it seemed  I never really heard a sermon, and when I did hear bits and pieces I was so distracted by little ones needs that I hardly was able to focus. Add in postpartum depression and it was a hard time.
It's a lot better these days! We're in a real church with real people, we don't have a little one that needs a morning nap, or needs to nurse during church. We're still working at sitting still, but it is very rare that we ever need to take a child out anymore. I get to hear and follow a whole sermon and can actually enjoy church services again. So if the Lord gives us another baby I'll have to read this again and remind myself that it does get better with time.....And for now I'll give thanks that the Lord has answered so many prayers in that we have church, we took communion on Sunday, the Lord has given us a desire to bring our children to church even if it is hard.
He has answered a LOT of prayers.


But this, this is hilarious because I have been there so many times!

"Usually though, there are 74,569 things to do before church, and someone has grown three shoe sizes since last Sunday,......

To top if off, Little Sunshine is ready for his/her nap at 9:50, but that’s unfortunate, because he/she should actually be getting strapped into the carseat at 10:00. So that’s fun.

On the way to church, one or all of three things will happen.

1. Someone will kick the back of your seat incessantly.
2. You will remember you forgot something really important at home.
3. There may or may not be a tense/masked “discussion” between you and your husband about Something Unpleasant, which you will pretend did not happen."

And this, this is true and why we keep pressing on!

Here is the truth about kids and church.

1. Yes, it is very hard. And no, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’d bet EVERY SINGLE MOM IN THE PLANET who attempted to bring children to worship has felt overwhelmed, embarrassed, exasperated, and fruitless. It just is very hard to get ready, to keep everyone behaved, and through some miracle, to learn something in the process. You are not alone.
2. It is not pointless, even if it feels like a waste of everyone’s time. It Is Not A Waste. And here is why: It is fruitful because I am obeying God’s commands to honor the Sabbath, to keep on meeting together and not give up. And I am modeling this to my children. 

As it turns out, my ability to “do” church well hasn’t changed one iota from when I was an undistracted single girl taking meticulous notes.

Because, going to church isn’t about us. And it never was.

Let me say that another way. Even if there is nothing *enjoyable* or *productive* about church anymore, it doesn’t matter one speck. We don’t do church to feel more relaxed, or to meet a special someone, or to feel holier, or more peaceful.

We go to church to show honor to God, and to obey Him, and to teach our children to do the same.

Mama who feels overwhelmed at church, I feel you. In your sweaty wrangling of overtired toddlers, in your plucking of Cheerios from church cushions – in your jamming people in carseats and Sunday shoes –  may you offer it all up as Worship to your Father. 

And may you not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ~ Galations 6:9

"Me time"

A Monday morning walk.

This is how I attempt to stay in shape. Lugging this wagon with kids in it that easily equal half of my weight for a mile around the subdivision. The kids love it!

A beautiful cool, breezy day in the neighborhood.

Lately I have really been trying to make time for some "me time." Hopefully not in a selfish way, but in a  doing things that help me to be a better mom the rest of the time kind of way!. It's soo nice now that Luke sleeps through the night, so I can stay awake most of the time in the evenings, and wake up earlier in the mornings. Sadly too many mornings I wake with a bad headache, but if I am well enough I try very hard to read my Bible with my first cup of coffee. Just one chapter these days where I have less time. Someday I'm sure I'll go back to reading more. John always gets up earlier than me to have some quiet time himself so he will often get the kids up for me which gives me a few minutes, and is a blessing.
Another thing I am trying hard to do is take a walk most days. I feel so much better when I get some exercise, and I want to continue to fit into my size 6 jeans, lol. If my back cooperates I like to take the kids on a walk, or a few times a week John and I are taking a walk after the kids go to bed (a blessing of having my mil live with us, that we can leave like that!)
Nap time is my computer time. Once they are too old for naps I still plan to have a quiet time in their rooms in our schedule to give me this time. Then I work at swagbucks, sometimes a survey which I get paid for,  do online shopping,  emails, messages, blogging, etc. It usually includes tea and a snack.
Once the kids are in bed at 7:30, and we've tidied up, I either take a walk, usually scroll through facebook and my blog feed. If I didn't get my Bible reading done in the morning it usually happens now. About 8:30-9:00, once Hunter is down, is my time with John. We usually watch something and talk, often have a glass of wine.With the summer schedule and it being a little later before Hunter is down I'm hoping to maybe add some reading from a book during this time.
I should also mention that John watches the kids for about 2 hours every Saturdy morning so I can run errands!
It's not perfect of course, and every day doesn't look like this, but that is the goal I am working towards. I know in some ways things will be easier once Luke is completely weaned, and once the kids are able to go play in the playroom or the backyard by themselves. I look forward to that, but I also don't want to rush away my baby days.....

Caroline's new haircut

The times we live in......

May days

Farmer Ted, Duke's favorite book. We all have it memorized.

My helper.

Going out on an evening ice cream adventure.

Watching the fish at Dairy Queen.

Gotta love BOGO blizzard coupons!

Duke can eat a lot of ice cream :-)

Caroline asked for "big corn" all winter so the first time I saw it in the store from Florida this spring I had to buy her some!

These snack cups make the drive home from church so much easier! I make sure to have the diaper bag packed, and snack cups filled on Saturday.

Duke and "rabbit."

Kissing his sister.

Oh Dukie!

New haircut!

Oh Duke!

He loves to read his baby book.

We had coat  weather in May.

Bubbles!

Cookie Monster jeans :-) They love Sesame Street. Luke calls all the characters, "Melmo."

"They're  on a mission. in the thiggmajigger!"

Fresh asparagus growing wild in the ditch! Caroline loves eating "Jr Asparagus."

Blurry, but I wanted a picture of how Luke regularly comes to me when he is playing, pops his thumb in, gives me a hug, then goes back to what he was doing. It's so cute.

Coloring.

A hug.