Awhile back we watched the
courtship documentary, and it gave me a lot to think about and thought it would be interesting to remember my current thoughts on courtship as I imagine they will evolve as our kids grow up and go into romantic relationships. For the record I like the general idea of
courtship but the word makes me nervous because there are so many interpretations of what it is, and it's an all too easy way to fall into legalism and being self righteous. We need to be careful that we are living holy lives and obeying the rules God did give, but not adding to them. One of the reasons I wanted to watch is that a lot of courtship stuff makes me nervous, so I want to know what I believe and what we want to teach our children about this down the road.
The part that scared me the most was the statistic that there are six to twelve million Christians out there home churching. If that is true, that is just terrible. I feel like it is such a lie from Satan. Very subtle. Not, "I want nothing to do with God, the Bible etc," which would be a more drastic belief, but sneakily making people believe they don't need authority, they don't need a building, they "know better" than other Christians "who have it all wrong" and can't meet with "them"! From what I have seen, there is plenty of truth and good stuff mixed in with lies, false beliefs which just serve to confuse and divide people. It keeps the church from growing, being united, and strong. All these people divided in the name of a good and godly thing :-(
Thoughts I have now after watching -
When I look at a family I know I see half the siblings who chose a conservative courtship model to follow are the ones who now (as far as I know) have stable, healthy marriages. The three couples who chose NOT too follow that path have had plenty of problems and heartache in their marriages. That's not to say they can't have a healthy, happy marriage, but it seems their roads have been harder from what I have seen and been told in conversations with them. Maybe coincidence? I doubt it.
I think we need to be super careful about rules, and idolizing a certain version of how we want a meeting, courtship, etc to take place. God may have a plan that looks completely different for you than you imagine so I think it's wrong to get too caught up in things being a certain way when we don't have a "Thus sayeth the Lord."
I thought way too much emphasis was put on a first kiss, all the way to the point that it could be a deal breaker, I had a my first kiss on our wedding day, and I will most likely encourage my kids to do the same. But I don't think it is something to idolize. It reminds me of when people talk of the magic moment when your baby is placed in your arms. It causes a lot of expectations, then if you are out of it with pain, and throwing up, and there is no magic you start to wonder if maybe something is wrong with you. Or maybe your first kiss is a little awkward because a crowd is watching you, no magic. That could be quite a let down. It's ok if it's not perfect, I don't plan to make "idols" of those things in what I tell Caroline. And of course I was not John's first kiss. I think when you get into your 30s it's a little unrealistic to require that of others, chances are people have a past and it's not perfect. What maters is, how are they living their lives now? My reason for counseling my kids not to kiss would be that I think it is playing with fire. If you don't kiss, you probably are not going to end up going too far physically and having regrets. But that is my opinion, no where in the Bible does it say, "thou shalt not kiss" so I think we need to be careful in pushing that view.
Ron and the hugging seriously freaked me out too. I wondered if that contributed to Ross wanting to get away, lol. Overall though as far as I could tell (since we were just getting clips, not everything they said), I thought they were sincere, meant well, thought they were helping, doing the right thing, etc, etc. I felt like they made an idol of courtship, and were a bit unrealistic in the view that courtship equaled no marriage problems/difficulties. I'm here to tell you that is not true! It reminded me a little of my courtship story, though I never gave anyone (other than the Lord) the level of authority over my life that Kelly did. That said, I think it is good and wise to have godly older wisdom, and counsel if possible. Hopefully your parents and session!
I was seriously bothered by Kelly's statement, "Once I get married I give up all my rights to have rights." I get the idea of what she is saying, but coming from my past that sounds dangerous to me.
I was also bothered by the fact that the relationship went on for so long without any definition of what it was, or real commitment, or even letting Kelly know what was up. It should not have kept secret from her. She was a grown woman and needed to discuss things/ask questions/be open. If a man did that to me it would be a red flag.
Then the theological difference comes up. It was handled terribly!!!! They needed to sit down and discuss what exactly both of them meant in person, I think they were using different words and didn't really completely understand where the other was coming from. I do think Dawn was completely out of line to jump to conclusions and decide Ross was going to make a career of going to funerals and being insensitive, lol. They should have been able to sit down with their pastor and discuss it and find out what both believed for sure. but, Oh, I forgot. They homechurch, no pastor and session to help and counsel. Sigh.
Last thoughts - Kelly's unwillingness to be active. I kind of get that because I was there for awhile. It's scary, and it would be a nice if God would just drop the perfect guy on your doorstep. It makes me nervous though when people act as if that is a more holy way to go about things. There is no sin in wanting to be married and pursuing godly means to make it happen. I don't know exactly what her reasons for that choice are, but I think she's making a big mistake, and I think Ron and Dawn are making a mistake in letting things go on that way. Sadly I got the view though that they felt that was the good, holy, Biblical way to do things.
So these are random thoughts not expressed perfectly, but overall the video made me sad and I would not recommend it.
