The bee

One of my #primeday purchases. #2018books Oh my, yes! I am dying over this book, but not sure whether to laugh or cry. I've experienced so much of the over the top, trying to look holy, making up your own rules religion they describe. 😢 It will get you thinking, that's for sure! #babylonbee #howtobeaperfectchristian

Love letters

Lately I've been feeling nostalgic, and for the first time, going back and reading all of John and my "love letters." Though mine aren't quite as romantic looking as this picture - most of our courtship took place through Facebook messenger 😀. But it is good to look back and remember God's kindnesses and and answered prayers ❤. He's been very good to us!
#courtship #happymemories #psalm166

Valentine's day

Six years ago this week John and I met AND began courting. #wemovedfast 😃 
I prayed a long time for this blessing and was recently thinking, what if we thanked God for our blessings as many times as we asked Him for them? Not in a weird, superstitious bargaining with God way, but in a having a continual attitude of gratefulness. #thankful#thelordwillgivewhatisgood #ilovemyhusband

Starbucks date

I said, "yes." five years ago.

A quick Starbucks date at naptime.

So there were no seats left in Starbucks so we might have "tried out" the outdoor furniture at Fleet Farm, drank coffee, and talked 😀💍❤.

Happy, silly, and maybe a little tired!

Fifth engagement anniversary

Five years ago today John asked me to marry him. Our engagement was the answer to so many prayers and was a blessing from the Lord that I don't ever want to take for granted! And I can't believe it has been five years!!!

"For ever blessed be the Lord,

for graciously he heard

The voice of my petitions,

and prayers did regard.

 The Lord's my strength and shield; my heart

upon him did rely;

And I am helped: hence my heart

doth joy exceedingly."

Psalm 28:6-7

Courtship thoughts

Awhile back we watched the courtship documentary, and it gave me a lot to think about and thought it would be interesting to remember my current thoughts on courtship as I imagine they will evolve as our kids grow up and go into romantic relationships. For the record I like the general idea of courtship but the word makes me nervous because there are so many interpretations of what it is, and it's an all too easy way to fall into legalism and being self righteous. We need to be careful that we are living holy lives and obeying the rules God did give, but not adding to them. One of the reasons I wanted to watch is that a lot of courtship stuff makes me nervous, so I want to know what I believe and what we want to teach our children about this down the road.

The part that scared me the most was the statistic that there are six to twelve million Christians out there home churching. If that is true, that is just terrible. I feel like it is such a lie from Satan. Very subtle. Not, "I want nothing to do with God, the Bible etc," which would be a more drastic belief, but sneakily making people believe they don't need authority, they don't need a building, they "know better" than other Christians "who have it all wrong" and can't meet with "them"! From what I have seen, there is plenty of truth and good stuff mixed in with lies, false beliefs which just serve to confuse and divide people. It keeps the church from growing, being united, and strong. All these people divided in the name of a good and godly thing :-(


Thoughts I have now after watching -

When I look at a family I know I see half the siblings who chose a conservative courtship model to follow are the ones who now (as far as I know) have stable, healthy marriages. The three couples who chose NOT too follow that path have had plenty of problems and heartache in their marriages. That's not to say they can't have a healthy, happy marriage, but it seems their roads have been harder from what I have seen and been told in conversations with them. Maybe coincidence? I doubt it.

I think we need to be super careful about rules, and idolizing a certain version of how we want a meeting, courtship, etc to take place. God may have a plan that looks completely different for you than you imagine so I think it's wrong to get too caught up in things being a certain way when we don't have a "Thus sayeth the Lord."

I thought way too much emphasis was put on a first kiss, all the way to the point that it could be a deal breaker, I had a my first kiss on our wedding day, and I will most likely encourage my kids to do the same. But I don't think it is something to idolize. It reminds me of when people talk of the magic moment when your baby is placed in your arms. It causes a lot of expectations, then if you are out of it with pain, and throwing up, and there is no magic you start to wonder if maybe something is wrong with you. Or maybe your first kiss is a little awkward because a crowd is watching you, no magic. That could be quite a let down. It's ok if it's not perfect, I don't plan to make "idols" of those things in what I tell Caroline. And of course I was not John's first kiss. I think when you get into your 30s it's a little unrealistic to require that of others, chances are people have a past and it's not perfect. What maters is, how are they living their lives now?  My reason for counseling my kids not to kiss would be that I think it is playing with fire. If you don't kiss, you probably are not going to end up going too far physically and having regrets. But that is my opinion, no where in the Bible does it say, "thou shalt not kiss" so I think we need to be careful in pushing that view.

Ron and the hugging seriously freaked me out too. I wondered if that contributed to Ross wanting to get away, lol. Overall though as far as I could tell (since we were just getting clips, not everything they said), I thought they were sincere, meant well, thought they were helping, doing the right thing, etc, etc. I felt like they made an idol of courtship, and were a bit unrealistic in the view that courtship equaled no marriage problems/difficulties. I'm here to tell you that is not true! It reminded me a little of my courtship story, though I never gave anyone (other than the Lord) the level of authority over my life that Kelly did. That said,  I think it is good and wise to have godly older wisdom, and counsel if possible. Hopefully your parents and session!

I was seriously bothered by Kelly's statement, "Once I get married I give up all my rights to have rights." I get the idea of what she is saying, but coming from my past that sounds dangerous to me.

I was also bothered by the fact that the relationship went on for so long without any definition of what it was, or real commitment, or even letting Kelly know what was up. It should not have kept secret from her. She was a grown woman and needed to discuss things/ask questions/be open. If a man did that to me it would be a red flag.

Then the theological difference comes up. It was handled terribly!!!! They needed to sit down and discuss what exactly both of them meant in person, I think they were using different words and didn't really completely understand where the other was coming from. I do think Dawn was completely out of line to jump to conclusions and decide Ross was going to make a career of going to funerals and being insensitive, lol. They should have been able to sit down with their pastor and discuss it and find out what both believed for sure. but, Oh, I forgot. They homechurch, no pastor and session to help and counsel. Sigh.

Last thoughts - Kelly's unwillingness to be active. I kind of get that because I was there for awhile. It's scary, and it would be a nice if God would just drop the perfect guy on your doorstep. It makes me nervous though when people act as if that is a more holy way to go about things. There is no sin in wanting to be married and pursuing godly means to make it happen. I don't know exactly what her reasons for that choice are, but I think she's making a big mistake, and I think Ron and Dawn are making a mistake in letting things go on that way. Sadly I got the view though that they felt that was the good, holy, Biblical way to do things.

So these are random thoughts not expressed perfectly, but overall the video made me sad and I would not recommend it.

I'm sure we'll talk

So John and I met in person this weekend five years ago, and pretty much spent all our waking hours from Saturday evening, to the wee hours of Monday morning, visiting and talking. Some one on one conversation, and some in groups at church, and at the Ervins house, but all enjoyable as we got to know one another. I remember the evening ending with John taking my hands like in the picture above and saying, "I'm sure we'll talk," before he left SC to go back to WI. Five years later we're still talking :-)
It's fun to look back on happy memories, to see the beginnings of God taking the solitary and making a family (Psalm 68), and good to remember the Lord's mercies and answers to prayer.

First meeting

This weekend five years ago I came home to an unexpected message in my inbox from a guy in Wisconsin telling me he was coming to visit my church, and suggesting getting together for dinner with my family while visiting. Now John and I had been online friends friends for a couple years, but this meeting in person set in motion a train of events which led to us getting married 6 months later. The irony to me is that the Sunday before I had been down and very discouraged wondering if the Lord would ever grant my desire for a husband and family, and had had no idea that my trial was coming to an end. I'm so thankful the Lord brought us together, and I frequently remind myself of this blessing (and that of other answered prayers) as time goes on and I am called to wait on the Lord in other circumstances. It might sound trite, because it doesn't always feel that way, but the Lord will give what is good.

Hugs

Truth. I'll never forget the first time John and I hugged at the GSP airport ♡ Happy memories of happy times! 

April

April is a special month for me filled with lots of good memories and much to be thankful for. This is the month John and I became engaged to marry, and the following April I gave birth to my first child, Caroline Grace .

"Yea, I remember will the works
performed by the Lord:
The wonders done of old by thee
I surely will record.

I also will of all thy works
my meditation make;
And of thy doings to discourse
great pleasure I will take."
Psalm 77:11-12

Our Courtship Story

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.....Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Genesis 2:18-24

So today I'm sitting down to do something I promised awhile back.....sharing our courtship story. Where should I begin? In 2012 when we "officially met", 2009 when we began talking online, or should I go back further to a little girl that was brought up hoping and dreaming of being a wife and mom someday.....? One thing I can tell you for sure, this quote from Matthew Henry came true in our lives:

"Providence sometimes wonderfully directs those that by faith and prayer seek direction from heaven in the choice of suitable yoke-fellows: happy marriages those are likely to be that are made in the fear of God; and these, we are sure, are made in heaven. "

Our story isn't all romance, and wasn't always easy, or even pain free.....but it is the plan that the Lord had for us, how He drew us to one another, and to Himself. And before I go on to share, let me just say that every courtship is different, people and families are different, and I'm not trying to say our way of doing things is the only way, or the perfect way. Though it was perfect for us and I have no regrets. I feel very blessed to have had the courtship we did, and that our desire was that the Lord be glorified through all that was done.

And now going back to the little girl who dreamed of getting married.....that same girl began praying for her future husband when she was about 15, and also praying that the Lord would keep her heart for whoever that man might be.......then a  lot of time passed by as she [I] continued to wait, pray, and wonder what the Lord's plan was for my life. Life moved on....I moved from my parent's home in VA to South Carolina, joined a wonderful church, and worked as a mother's helper..... watched four of my younger siblings get married in that time, and start families of their own, and among other things, learned what it truly meant to wait on the Lord. I've shared so much of that on my old blog in the past, the many lessons the Lord was teaching me in waiting on Him. Looking back from a distance it's easy to see that the Lord's timing and plan was just right. He taught me so much in that time, about Himself, and just practically about living the Christian life, submitting to His will, and plenty of useful things for running a home and working with children. Lest you go away from reading this thinking I'm perfect......well just go ask my friends and family! But the Lord is good, and He didn't wait till I 'had it together' or was perfectly content before He answered my prayers. That in itself is humbling - being given a gift that I by no means deserved. Through our courtship I often felt overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness to us!

On to 2009......Not everybody knows this, but John and I met online in December of 09 through a Christian singles site. I had kind of been pushed out of my comfort zone to put up a profile and John saw it and messaged me right away. We talked a little, but his circumstances overwhelmed me at the time, I realized I was not ready for that, and wisely told him right away. John asked if we could still be friends, and I agreed. What followed was over the next couple years we messaged each other every couple months, asked how the other was doing, sometimes messaged about a particular post on facebook, but in general kept up with the other one's life in a friendly way. There was nothing at all romantic about the relationship. Looking back, we saw the Lord's kindness is letting us get to know each other enough to be comfortable together very quickly when we actually met in person. What we realized later too was that neither of us talking to anyone else in the same way. John was the only man I was messaging with, and although he talked with a number of other women in his search for a wife, I was the only woman he was writing to somewhat regularly, and he didn't have that kind of relationship with anyone else. Though at the time both of us wanted to be married - it wasn't in the Lord's timing. We didn't realize it then, but we both had growing to do. John had just been through a divorce, and I had plenty of things I needed to work through. In hindsight we can see that the Lord was very gracious, and we both feel that we can be a better spouse to the other now than we would have been three years ago. Ironically about the time we met in person, in 2012, was when we had both reached the point that we wanted to stop 'looking' and leave it all in the Lord's hands. It truly is so comforting to me to look back and be able to see God's hand and how He has worked out details in our lives in a perfect way.

Then last winter John and some friends began gathering to join my church's live stream services, and he and a friend decided to come visit the church. When he told me he was coming down, and suggested getting together, I invited him to dinner at the Es (my second family whom I worked for). I was just a little nervous about meeting, wondering if this was only a friendly visit,or if it could turn into something more.

The evening came - I cooked dinner, lasagna, salad, homemade rolls, and lemon meringue dessert. The first thing I noticed was that normally being a shy person, I immediately felt comfortable and at ease with John. We had a fun family evening together - suddenly it was 2:00 in the morning and we quickly said good nights. I think 'my family' realized before I did, Mr. E asked me if I would like to have him over the next night. I didn't have to think about it, just said yes :-)

Family continued to 'matchmake', and while I was making the coffee at church the next day they put John in a chair next to mine. After the service we never did get up, but sat and talked and talked.....Then continued talking till 2:00 in the morning at the Es! He left that night telling me he was sure we would talk....then flew back to Wisconsin.

Then I WAITED ~

"Sit still, my daughter, till thou know how the matter will fall —how it is decreed in heaven....for marriages are made there. She had done all that was fit for her to do, and now she must patiently wait the issue and not be perplexed about it. Let us learn hence to cast our care upon providence, to follow that and attend the motions of it, composing ourselves into an expectation of the event, with a resolution to acquiesce in it, whatever it be. Sometimes that proves best done for us that is least our own doing. "Sit still, therefore, and see how the matter will fall, and say, Let it fall how it will, I am ready for it......Sit still, and see how the matter will fall, for the Lord will perfect that which concerns thee, and will make it to work for good to thee"

Matthew Henry

I knew that Lord's day night that he was 'the one' or at least who I wanted to be the one, but my question was, was this the Lord's will? Later I found out that he had felt the same way, but wanted to pray about such an important decision before speaking. I was impressed with John, his godly character, his desire to follow the Lord, the way he cared for his family, and felt that we connected well. The next few days were spent in a lot of prayer for guidance for both of us, and for contentment with whatever the Lord had planned. During that time we continued talking online, then Friday morning I got a message asking if I would be interested in a courtship!!! That was February 17th.

What did courtship look like for us? To begin with I should say we both consider courtship to be something that is working towards marriage, not a casual dating relationship (though that's not to say every courtship will, or should end in marriage!). It also was a long distance relationship, John living in Wisconsin and me in South Carolina. Then I had asked Mr E and Pastor to help me if/when the day came that I was being courted. Their oversight and guidance was a blessing, as was the support and encouragement of family. When John came on courtship visits I wasn't the only one looking forward to spending time with him! Everyone does things differently, but some decisions made that were perfect for us, were that while we didn't have a problem going out alone together, we chose to spend a lot of time with others, and not to hold hands till we were engaged, or kiss till we were married.

We began by writing lots of long messages and talked about everything you can think of from the daily Bible reading we were doing together, to raising children, to modest dress, to our jobs, funny things children said......and also made very good use of facebook chat. I became adept at multitasking, keeping my laptop on the kitchen counter, chatting and working at the same time. Right away we were very open and comfortable with one another, and were amazed to find out just how like-minded we were. It didn't take long before we were finishing one another's sentences! Shortly after that we began weekly phone dates, which soon changed to nightly phone dates, often hours of conversation (we had cause to give thanks for free cell minutes at night!). We also found out that sleep and courtship don't mix so well! 
There were a few plane trips south as well, mostly weekend visits, but we did have more than a week together when we spent time with my family in Virginia and also used that time to work on wedding plans.....but I'm getting ahead of myself here :-)


In April John came to visit, bringing his mom with him to meet me. From all the hints flying around I was a bit suspicious that something was up. That visit was communion season at church, so was very, very busy, but we did make some time early Saturday afternoon to go to Starbucks for coffee, the same place where we had our first 'date'. While there John asked me to marry him and gave me a beautiful diamond ring! I was more than happy to say yes! I had no doubt that the Lord wanted me to be this man's wife, felt sure we could serve the Lord better together, and very much looked forward to spending the rest of my life with him. It was a very special time......then made more special when we went home and found out that the Es (who knew he was proposing) had a surprise engagingment party for us! I felt so blessed and happy as we celebrated together. That was April 14th.

Engagement.....we soon had a date, June 23rd.....and I got busy doing something I had never done before, planning my own wedding! It seemed surreal at times :-) John and I planned the whole thing ourselves, thankfully both wanting a very simple, God glorifying ceremony, with those we loved most there with us. I was also blessed to have the help of a wonderful friend who is a wedding coordinator, family and friends that helped where they could, in many ways that were a blessing, and the Es who offered their beautiful home for a reception. Every detail fell into place, and we could see the Lord's hand and blessing in all of it. Rather than tell ya'll about our wedding I'll share the video below and you can see for yourselves what a beautiful ceremony it was :-)

"Marriages... are made in heaven: we are sure this was, for the man, the woman, the match, were all God's own work; he, by his power, made them both, and now, by his ordinance, made them one."

Matthew Henry

This beautiful quote by Matthew Henry is special to me now as I look back on all that took place over the past months. I'm still amazed by how quickly the Lord can change circumstances, and so thankful for His goodness and for answered prayers. I can't imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else.....or being happier.....the Lord is good!

"This is my beloved and this is my friend."

Song of Solomon 5:16

Wedding video

Cunnington Wedding from Greenville Presbyterian Church on Vimeo.

Whither thou goest, I will go

^"And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:

Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

Ruth 1:16-17

^{These verses are on my mind after we read them in church yesterday....then today as I leave with my husband to my new home in Wisconsin.}

Honeymoon Pictures

A few pictures from our special honeymoon week........

Wedding pictures

A few more wedding pictures, not the official ones....those are yet to come......but a few very special ones taken by good friends. Our wedding was  beautiful - all I had hoped for - and it's fun to share part of our special day with ya'll. Enjoy, and more later!

Waiting.....

I love the looks on faces when I appeared!

Our vows.

Pastor McCurley gave us a sermon on Song of Solomon and Ephesians 5.

Husband and wife.

Kissing the bride.


Arriving at the reception.

Having fun at the reception.

I loved my dress - especially the romantic sleeves.

Wedding cupcakes.

Rings, roses, hydrangeas, and groom's cake (a 3 tiered cheesecake I made).

 

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